Why did I do this?

  Why did I do this?
What drove me to it?
  Looking down at my,
blood stained hands,
I scrub and scrub,
to no avail.
  My hands stay red,
my guilt, the evidence
of my crime.
  Why did I do this?
What drove me to it?
  Was it hate?
Oh how I hated you,
you had every-thing,
yet you still wanted more.
  You drove in your
porche, your red porche,
the same sad as your
blood.
  You had your
rolex watch,
designer clothes.
  But it was't
enough for you,
nothing ever is.
  Why did I do his?
What drove me to it?
  Was it jealousy?
Oh how I envied you,
I coveted every-thing
you owned.
  I don't think
either were
why I did it
or what drove me to it...
  It was more that
maybe, if you're not here,
then I don't feel so
different, so low or
unseaworthy.
  If you're not here
then I can't see
the issue that's
spreading through
our world.
  Now that you're
gone I don't see the issue,
so it doesn't exist.
  I look down
at the knife stained.
It is why you're gone,
the knife,
represents the end
of the issue.

Never

  Why do you
change me so?
My very core
of existence is,
changed, reversed
almost.
  You have a
hold over me,
a power stronger,
than all others.
  You hold the
strings connected
to my body,
moving me,
using me.
  I'm being the things
I said I'd never
be,doing the things
I said I'd never
do, saying the things
I said I'd never
say, feeling the things
I said I'd never
feel.
  I said I'd never
feel for you.

The mirror

  I stare at her,

the monster, the home wrecker.
She stares back at me,
her eyes wearing the
same expression of hate.
I hate who she is,
what she is, her very
existence.
  She coveted him,
knowing he was
already taken.
  She seduced him,
had him, while his
other half cleaned
up after him.
  When at home,
he was the perfect man,
helpfull, loving, passionate.
But he had to
"work" late alot.
  And now she's
stolen him.

He left his life

for her.

  She sits at home,

wondering...

When he stays

 at work late.

  Maybe this is her

karma, price to pay.

She's a monster, home wrecker.

I put the mirror down

sit and wait,

for you to come...

home.

My mistake

The first time
I met you,
I told you
every-thing about me
about what I feel,
about who I am
as a person.
 I started to
trust you.
I hate that,
trustng you.
Trusting is like
giving you the power
to hurt me.
 You know every-thing
but you do not judge me.
You do not tell others
what you know.
 Now I love
you and you
don't love me.
I trusted you
with my secrets,
my thoughts and
my heart...
 I thought you'd never
hurt me, but
you broke my heart.
Its broken, bleeding, crying,
over you.
 My mistake was 
trusting you.

Walls

  I sit staring at
the walls,
the walls surrounding me.
  I can feel them
closing in,
coming closer.
  My palms sweating,
heart beating,
tears falling.
  I'm starting to
feel confined,
locked in this room.
  Claustrophobia sneaks
in, engulfing me.
  Getting closer still,
the walls scream
at me...
  I want to leave
this room,
to run far
away.
  I get up,
run my hands
against the wall,
looking and searching,
finding there's no door,
no escape.
  I must stay sat,
and wait until the
walls,
completely close in
on me.
  My only escape
comes with my death.

Hidden feelings

  You kiss her,
hold her, love her.
I look on,
envious...
Wishing I were her.
  There are two sides
to what I feel,
for you...
  I want you,
as mine.
  Seeing you,
my heart hastens,
my tummy
goes funny... I
can't help but smile.
    I need you.
I need you to
kiss me, hold me,
love me.
   But...
I want you to
 be happy.
She makes you
smile, laugh.
   You're fighting,
you may break up.
Part me is happy but..
The other part sorrowful.
  If she leaves you,
you'll change,
no longer will
you be the joyful
friend I love.
You will be sad,
down, depressed.
  So for this reason,
I put away what
I feel for you. I'll
help you sort out
your problems,
So you stay together,
and stay happy.
   No matter how
much I want to
be with you, I want
whats best for you more.
  I care more about
how you feel, than
what I feel.

I am me

  I can see you,
you look at me,
 and turn away.
  Whispering to
who-ever you're
next to.
  Talking about
me. Hating about
me. Lying about
me.
  I see the looks,
they all give me.
I hear the things
that they whisper.
  I don't care...
I don't care,
what you say or
what you think.
  That's the lie
I tell myself, so
I can sleep at night.
  I do care,
I care about what
people say, hear and think
about me.
  Even if I do
care,
I will not change,
who I am because
of you.
   If I do,
then you have won,
you have got what you
want. I will not  give
you the satisfaction...
   I am me,
I will not change
for you..!

Hung by my heart

    Betrayed,
by my own organ,
the one beating,
the blood around my body.
  I warned it,
I warned my heart
not to fall
   Not to fall for you.
Did it listen..?
No
  Now I sit,
tear streaked face,
trying to keep it
together and failing.
 I started to trust you,
it's one of the
hardest things for me to do...
To trust.
   I let you in,
talked, listened.
       Betrayed
  I was murdered...
Hung by my own heart!

Your army

The army,
the army after me,
 your army.
Their only weapons,
are their bare hands.
I'm alone,
looking over my shoulder...
Scared.
I don't understand...
Why, why me?
I did nothing to you,
so why wont you just...
Leave me alone.!?
You see me,
I see you...
Fists start flying.
Pain and hatred

flow through my body,
my soul, the core of my existence.
 I lay there numb,
watching,
watching you walk away.
You and your army,
your army of chavs

A true friend

  You are a true friend,
my best friend.
  You know all my secrets,
and do not judge me.
  You hear the rumours,
but do not spread them.
  I can talk and
you'll always listen.
  Your shoulders always there,
for me to cry on.
  I'll always smile,
when I see you.
  My memories of you,
I'll always treasure and
even though you no longer
here, you'll live on in,
my heart.
  You are a true friend and...

Nothing can separate us,
not even death.

Sometimes I wish...

  Sometimes I wish,
life to be simple.
  Like that of an animals,
living on instinct alone.
  My mind would be unscrambled,
simple.

  But then I remind myself,
to live an animals simple life
would mean to live a life without
the great emotions we
humans enjoy.

  I would miss the feeling of love...
So many types of love,
love for ones family and friends or,
even a love for a man.

  I would miss the feeling of ecstasy,
when our two hands meet and
a tingling spreads trough me.

  I would miss the feeling of passion,
as out bodies move
in sync to a rhythm so...
 So pleasurable a scream,
bursts through my lips.

  Yes sometimes I wish,
for a simple life.
  But with a simple life,
the greatest things are taken away.

  I will take lifes hardships,
take them and be greatful...
   Because it means I get to
share this night with you!
i

Goodbye

  Saying goodbye to you,
I remember so clearly.
  The look in your eyes,
mirrored the feeling in my heart.
  Our farewell wave,
hands falling to our sides.
  Then the atmosphere changes,
I want, I need a real goodbye.

  My arms cling around your,
neck with an iron grip.
  Our lips locked,
moving in sync.
  My tongue explores your mouth,
tasting our salty tears,
as they fall.

  One hand locks your hair,
while the other slowly,
gently slides down your back.
  I'm telling you...
"I want a goodbye to remember,
a night to never forget."
  But you and your morals,
the ones I fell in love with.

  Finally parting our lips,
we gaze into each others
eyes down into the depths of our souls.
  There is no need for words,
our hearts send our,
feelings one to the other.

  I can...
Feel you, see you, know you.
  Saying goodbye to you,
is the hardest thing I've
ever had to do!

You don't understand me

  You don't understand me,
You don't understand
how I feel.
  You don't understand
what I want, need.
 You don't understand,
my goals or career.
  You don't understand,
my religious view.
  You don't understand,
that I see beauty in the ugly.
  You don't understand,
that I observe the world, fascinated.
  You don't understand,
why I cry over others grievance.
  You don't understand,
why I smile for others glee.
  You don't understand,
why I enjoy writing.
  You don't understand,
that I'd rather read than use,
modern technology.
  You don't understand,
how deeply I feel for everything.

   You don't understand me.
But how can I expect you to,
when I don't even understand myself.

Rain and Sun

 The rain;
a million tiny drops,
of sadness.

 The droplets each represent,
a tear that has been shed.
 A shower may have,
fallen because a...
Loved one has left you,
Or maybe a
heart has been broken.

 The skies will open,
 and a downpour will fall,
every-ones dark feelings are shown.

 But after each rainfall,
the sun will shine;
the rain will dry.

 The sadness will not,
be forgotten.
 We just remember that...
Glee and sadness mixed
together,
 make something beautiful...

 Rain and sun make a rainbow.

I'm changing for you

 I'm changing,
I am different than,
who I used to be.

 I used to be:
the sweet girl,
next door.
 Now cheekiness and nastiness
has taken over,
my sweet persona.

 I'm changing,
I am different than,
who I used to be.

I used to wear,
natural make-up
and hair.
 Now my hair is chopped,
eyes black, lips red.

 I'm changing,
I am different than,
I used to be.

 I used to be;
a curvaceous size fourteen,
with cute clothes to show,
the sweet girl inside me.
 Now I go to the gym;
lost a stone, now am a size eight.
My clothes are tight, and
short, skimpy all day and night.

 I'm changing,
who I am to,
who you want me to be.
I do not know if I like,
the new me.
 But if you like it, can I,
go back to the real me?

 I'm changing for you.

Whisper sweet, sweet lies to me again

Lying next to me,

hand in hand,

You whisper in my ear softly...

 "You are amzing"

Is this a truthful lie?

Why are you quitly speaking,

sweet things to me?

Are they what you truly feel or

is there something you want from me?

 Soft as a feather,

your lips reach mine,

hopefully to part away, never.

 "You are so beautiful"

Is this a kind hearted hyperbole?

I can be pretty...

Sometimes. But beautiful?

Your hands stroke across my chest,

should I lay this night,

to rest?

 How far your sweet,
sweet lies got you.

 I thought the words you spoke,

were the feelings yu felt.

 Now, I sit alone.

Hand on my blossoming belly.

Waiting for you to whisper...

Whisper sweet, sweet lies to me again.

My first Sonnet

Our lips shared an intimate touch,
your hands gently caressed my body.
I pull away,
fighting against my inner longing and desire.
You do not want the same,
as I do with thee.
You want to kiss,
hidden under an old mysterious tree.
I want to hold you, kiss you, love you,
I do not know what to do.
Could I bear to part my lips from yours...
to tell you how I want us to be?
Or should I stay as we are,
under our old mysterious tree.!?

What do I say?

    What do I say,
In a coffin,
your loved one lay,
     what do I say?
 
     Can I comfort?
Can I make the grief go away?
From a young age I was taught,
death, is bad,
death,  is sad.
I wonder now if it is?
    Can I comfort?

    Can I stop your silent tears?
With the words I have to say.
Maybe just maybe,
death isn't so bad,
it's not a price you have to pay...
 Death to me is a new life,
a new life with past friends and a song to sing.
 To some death is welcome,
hoped for, like a christmas present.
 You should be glad,
glad your loved one,
held on.
 Glad they had ...
a nice, a great a wonderful life,
holding on till the end,
not wanting to say goodbye.
    Can I stop your silent tears?

     Can I make you smile?
 I will not give you pity,
pity, is no help.
 I will give you a friend...
I will give you confidence.
I will lend you money,
if you need it.
I will make your life sunny,
again, like it was before.
 I will not pity you,
I will be your friend,
the most important thing you need.
     I can make you smile,
     and I will...
     That's a promise,
     I'll never break!

Why did Wilf Smith join the army? (ww1)

Wilf Smith joined the army,

there was many reasons why.

He saw the world pasing him by,

full of hate,
full of lies.

He saw the poster,

that promised peace.

"This may be my chance, my chance...

to help win the war."

His family was not rich and the pay,

was ok, with a shilling a day, if

you compare it to what he got now:

3 shillings a week.

He did not want his girl, agnes, to give him
a white feather.
The feather is cowardly,
The feather is seen and people stare
with disguist and dispair.
The feather means he cares not for his country.

Wilf Smith joined the army,
there was many reasons why.

Other men too,

joined in a rush like a sunami,

a sunami full of what the posters called "Noble men".

The men in the army are considered noble,

those who join for the right reason were,

those who joined for the wrong were ignoble.

Wilf Smith joined the army,

there was many reasons why...

Do you think he was noble,

to join, fight and die???

Flashing lights, screaming fans

Flashing lights,

Screaming fans,

I feel the fear rising,

The pulse beating,

The fears return during the nights,

My eyes close shut,

The images reappear,

Flashing lights,

Screaming fas,

You're there,

With a camera ready,

ready to expose me...

Ready to expose the lies...

The hatred,

The fear,

Flashing lights,

Screaming fans.

A dark side to nature.

Writing this poem a question occurs,
what is nature?
The simple answer is easy,
it's something that happens naturally.
If that is true,
then humans are part of nature to.
Now I view nature differently,
I used to see,
a bird singing in a tree.
Or some-thing pretty and green,
wishing to be seen.

Now to me nature is dark,
nature is a perv hiding behind a bush in a park.
Nature is some-one crying,
while at the same time,
some-one else will be lying.
Nature is sadness,
as I can't seem to find any gladness.
Nature is evil.
To us our world is normal,
natural.
Now I view nature differently,
we are nature,
us, you me.

A closed door

If you start to peak through a door,
not knowing whats on the other side,
your speedy beating heart becomes sore,
you are terrified.
You may see the same as me,
uless through your eyes,
you see the world differently.
Maybe you'll see all the way to the skies,
now use the key,
to see what I see,
I see the whole world,
staring at me.