Why did I do this?

  Why did I do this?
What drove me to it?
  Looking down at my,
blood stained hands,
I scrub and scrub,
to no avail.
  My hands stay red,
my guilt, the evidence
of my crime.
  Why did I do this?
What drove me to it?
  Was it hate?
Oh how I hated you,
you had every-thing,
yet you still wanted more.
  You drove in your
porche, your red porche,
the same sad as your
blood.
  You had your
rolex watch,
designer clothes.
  But it was't
enough for you,
nothing ever is.
  Why did I do his?
What drove me to it?
  Was it jealousy?
Oh how I envied you,
I coveted every-thing
you owned.
  I don't think
either were
why I did it
or what drove me to it...
  It was more that
maybe, if you're not here,
then I don't feel so
different, so low or
unseaworthy.
  If you're not here
then I can't see
the issue that's
spreading through
our world.
  Now that you're
gone I don't see the issue,
so it doesn't exist.
  I look down
at the knife stained.
It is why you're gone,
the knife,
represents the end
of the issue.

Never

  Why do you
change me so?
My very core
of existence is,
changed, reversed
almost.
  You have a
hold over me,
a power stronger,
than all others.
  You hold the
strings connected
to my body,
moving me,
using me.
  I'm being the things
I said I'd never
be,doing the things
I said I'd never
do, saying the things
I said I'd never
say, feeling the things
I said I'd never
feel.
  I said I'd never
feel for you.

The mirror

  I stare at her,

the monster, the home wrecker.
She stares back at me,
her eyes wearing the
same expression of hate.
I hate who she is,
what she is, her very
existence.
  She coveted him,
knowing he was
already taken.
  She seduced him,
had him, while his
other half cleaned
up after him.
  When at home,
he was the perfect man,
helpfull, loving, passionate.
But he had to
"work" late alot.
  And now she's
stolen him.

He left his life

for her.

  She sits at home,

wondering...

When he stays

 at work late.

  Maybe this is her

karma, price to pay.

She's a monster, home wrecker.

I put the mirror down

sit and wait,

for you to come...

home.

My mistake

The first time
I met you,
I told you
every-thing about me
about what I feel,
about who I am
as a person.
 I started to
trust you.
I hate that,
trustng you.
Trusting is like
giving you the power
to hurt me.
 You know every-thing
but you do not judge me.
You do not tell others
what you know.
 Now I love
you and you
don't love me.
I trusted you
with my secrets,
my thoughts and
my heart...
 I thought you'd never
hurt me, but
you broke my heart.
Its broken, bleeding, crying,
over you.
 My mistake was 
trusting you.

Walls

  I sit staring at
the walls,
the walls surrounding me.
  I can feel them
closing in,
coming closer.
  My palms sweating,
heart beating,
tears falling.
  I'm starting to
feel confined,
locked in this room.
  Claustrophobia sneaks
in, engulfing me.
  Getting closer still,
the walls scream
at me...
  I want to leave
this room,
to run far
away.
  I get up,
run my hands
against the wall,
looking and searching,
finding there's no door,
no escape.
  I must stay sat,
and wait until the
walls,
completely close in
on me.
  My only escape
comes with my death.

Hidden feelings

  You kiss her,
hold her, love her.
I look on,
envious...
Wishing I were her.
  There are two sides
to what I feel,
for you...
  I want you,
as mine.
  Seeing you,
my heart hastens,
my tummy
goes funny... I
can't help but smile.
    I need you.
I need you to
kiss me, hold me,
love me.
   But...
I want you to
 be happy.
She makes you
smile, laugh.
   You're fighting,
you may break up.
Part me is happy but..
The other part sorrowful.
  If she leaves you,
you'll change,
no longer will
you be the joyful
friend I love.
You will be sad,
down, depressed.
  So for this reason,
I put away what
I feel for you. I'll
help you sort out
your problems,
So you stay together,
and stay happy.
   No matter how
much I want to
be with you, I want
whats best for you more.
  I care more about
how you feel, than
what I feel.

I am me

  I can see you,
you look at me,
 and turn away.
  Whispering to
who-ever you're
next to.
  Talking about
me. Hating about
me. Lying about
me.
  I see the looks,
they all give me.
I hear the things
that they whisper.
  I don't care...
I don't care,
what you say or
what you think.
  That's the lie
I tell myself, so
I can sleep at night.
  I do care,
I care about what
people say, hear and think
about me.
  Even if I do
care,
I will not change,
who I am because
of you.
   If I do,
then you have won,
you have got what you
want. I will not  give
you the satisfaction...
   I am me,
I will not change
for you..!

Hung by my heart

    Betrayed,
by my own organ,
the one beating,
the blood around my body.
  I warned it,
I warned my heart
not to fall
   Not to fall for you.
Did it listen..?
No
  Now I sit,
tear streaked face,
trying to keep it
together and failing.
 I started to trust you,
it's one of the
hardest things for me to do...
To trust.
   I let you in,
talked, listened.
       Betrayed
  I was murdered...
Hung by my own heart!